A pandemic is not for wimps

Many in the yoga community know Siv Løvland: the cool woman with the red hair and all the tattoos. She first turned up at the yoga studio in Bygdøy Allé in 2013. Back then she found it scary to take off her socks. Everyone was so pretty, slim, well groomed and clean. They had no scars. And they had nothing on their feet.

In time she got used to it and came to Puro often. She became one of the regulars. A long life of drug abuse was behind her. Yoga did her good. The new community did her good too.

Siv is a good talker. She tells things so that we listen. She is honest and direct, without much of a filter. We recognise ourselves in what she says, even those of us who have never been addicted to anything but coffee.

In time Siv moved into the shared house above the yoga shala. She got several jobs and became a busy woman, riding around Oslo on her red scooter from one place to the next, always with lots of people around her. At home and at work there were many people around Siv, because she is so good with people. She is someone who helps others.

Suddenly Siv was a TV celebrity too, travelling around Norway in Petter Uteligger's programme. It had high ratings and won a Gullruten award, and guess who gave the acceptance speech? Siv. There was an interview on Lindmo too. And after a programme with Karina Hollekim, Siv was given a parachute jump as a thank-you for working together.

For the last two years Siv has lived alone. It was strange at first; she likes having people around her all the time. But it got easier and easier. The whole first year went well. She got used to it, and was happy.

Then came the pandemic.

What had been busy days with several jobs and lots of contact with people shrank to the odd meeting on Zoom. The yoga studio was closed. Every meeting place disappeared. The days lost their structure. There might be two or three small work meetings in a week. Sometimes just one hour in the whole week, on Zoom. Her job at the café =Kaffe was the only place she met people, once a week.

Being completely alone is hard.

For a social person with a past that is not so pleasant, it can be difficult. There is a lot of time to think, and not all the thoughts are good. The weeks go by. The months go by too. It does not get easier. The loneliness is heavy and the empty days endless. There are these thoughts. The shame. Everything left behind. Everything that should have been different. The awful thoughts.

Just a few weeks ago it went black. Then it broke. Then it got worse. The blackness lasted a week, maybe ten days; time is a little hard to keep track of. Then Siv made the difficult phone call. It was to Alexander.

"Can I come to Nøsen?" The answer was clear: "Yes. Come. But you must be drug-free!"

Right now Siv is at Nøsen, and it is going well. Here there are people to talk to, or not talk to, but they are here. The black hole is further and further away. Plans are coming back, and new ones are appearing. The road goes on, once again with one more experience in the luggage.

"You are so open and strong, everyone says. So wise. And it is true," says Siv. "But not all the time, and nobody knows exactly how I am on the inside."

Photos: Nicki Twang.